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stripytightsTitle: No Choice in the Matter
Fandom: Supernatural RPF
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Chapter: 4/6
Chapter Length: 5189 words
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Warnings/kinks: hate-sex, A/B/O, dub-con, masturbation, fantasy, drunk-sex
Summary: Sequel to Intolerable Cruelty. Bonded to someone he loathes, Jared has to navigate a path he never expected to follow, and to fight against something he has no choice in.
When Jared woke, it was to the insistent beeping of his cell on the floor beside him. He fumbled over and poked at the buttons until it shut up, and only then took note of his surroundings. He was curled up beside Jensen, on the floor beside the sofa. Apparently they'd been too drunk and too tired to make it to the bed, and as the events of last night came back in greater details, he groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. Shit, shit, shit had he really been that stupid? All evidence pointed to yes, when he looked at the comatose form of Jensen beside him.
He rolled over and picked himself up, feeling sticky, dirty and grubby. Now he remembered why when he had sex it was within the cool clean confines of his apartment with ready access to a shower. It was disgusting waking up like this, and he debated whether he should drive home like this, or have a quick shower. At the thought of putting his dirty clothes on a clean body though, he decided he'd rather get home as quickly as possible. He dressed as fast as possible, telling himself he wasn't going to think about last night until he got out of the house. When he was fully dressed, he picked up his cell and his shoes from where they'd been tossed near the door, Jesus what the fuck had he been thinking last night?
Jensen's face in sleep was almost peaceful, and Jared hesitated only for a moment before shaking him awake roughly. If he left him to sleep, then he'd probably sleep right through the day and miss the meeting. Jensen came awake with a sputtered cough, and peered at Jared sleepily, before slumping back with a muttered 'fuck' that perfectly echoed Jared's feelings.
"Wake up man," he said, shaking Jensen once again for good measure. "We have definitely got to get moving."
He padded into the kitchen, and after downing a pint of water felt substantially better. His mouth still tasted like a zoo had had a party in it, but he didn't have a headache, and his tiredness was dissipating slowly. A rummage through the cupboards provided him with multi-vitamin tablets and he dissolved one and tossed it back. When he felt like he was approaching human once more, he picked up his jacket and headed out the door. Coffee could wait until he was at home, much like his shower.
An hour later, he was showered, shaved, breakfasted and looking through the papers for the bid one last time. He didn't think he'd missed anything but you really never knew until the moment. He remembered once again the whole business with Martin, remembered drunkenly telling Jensen, and sunk his head into his hands. What had possessed him to do that? The beer, the company? He didn't know but it was another tick in the box of 'don't drink with people you don't trust.'
At least Jensen had reacted atypically, far more furious at Martin than at Jared, that was something in the plus book. It wasn't enough to make him trust Jensen in the least, but he did believe that Jensen hadn't been faking the outrage. Probably pissed the control-freak off, that someone else was making Jared's life a misery for once. He smiled a little at the thought as he folded the physical papers into his briefcase one more time and squared his shoulders. It was still only seven, and usually he wouldn't head into work until eight, but this morning it was important he felt to turn up early. After all if all this went wrong, then he wanted to be able to look at Jeff and tell him honestly that he'd tried his hardest, and that if he'd failed he was sorry.
As he drove there, he reviewed his options one last time. As he had expected, they seemed even thinner in the morning. Fucking up the only job that had treated him like an equal, screwing them over for his own sake, with no promise that this would be the only time, that Mirrorlake wouldn't hold his actions over his head forever. Or standing tall, and letting himself be decimated by Martin revealing his offense- one that he could be fired for on the spot if Jeff wanted, and which was open to prosecution if the state decided. He knew it wouldn't go as far as the courts, that was only for extreme circumstances of deception between illegal bondeds (incest bondings mainly) but the threat was there, enough that he would certainly be let go. It wasn't really a choice even so. Jared had worked so hard to get where he was, he wasn't going to stay through lies and deception.
When he got into the building, he was almost light-hearted. He'd made his decision, and he always felt better after that, as though a load had been lifted off. Instead of avoiding his reflection in the lift, he stared at himself as though through new eyes. He didn't look any different to two days ago, he thought. There was nothing on the outside to indicate any change, and he felt peculiarly light-hearted. He wasn't any different, not the real him. The loss he'd always feared from bonding with anyone other than Gen hadn't happened. He leaned his head back, for a moment almost happy.
That disappeared the instant the lift opened though and he saw Jeff, early as always at the coffee machine. His secretary was supposed to get him coffee, but Jeff liked wandering into the offices, bumping into people on the way. When he saw Jared, he waved him over, and poured him another cup of coffee. Jared accepted the fortification gratefully, and held it clutched in cold hands, as he spoke. "I need to speak with you Mr Morgan." Jeff raised his eyebrows at the unusual formality but gestured Jared before him into his office.
Jared took a sip of coffee, then put the cup down on the desk and clenched his hands tightly together on his knees. "We have a problem," he said, and the words stuck in his throat. He was doing this. He was throwing away his life, not even trying to dig himself out. "Mirrorlake is blackmailing me into manipulating the figures in their favour. They expect to raise the percentage from five to seven today because of me."
There was silence for a long moment, and Jeff barely moved as he stared at Jared. "I see," he said. "When you say blackmailed, how?"
This was the hardest part, and Jared swallowed audibly. "I accidentally bonded the day before yesterday," he said dully. "It was to say the least unexpected, and both of us panicked. Martin from Mirrorlake spotted it, and also spotted that we hadn't Declared. He threatened me with exposure, and the company with unpleasant publicity. He also implied strongly that his company would use the circumstances to withdraw entirely from the bid." Put like that it seemed little enough, he supposed. There wasn't anybody whose life it would thoroughly fuck up beside Jared's.
"You said we," Jeff observed, his expression still blank and neutral.
A voice interrupted him. "Yes. I'm Jared's bonded." Jensen had let himself into the room, and was standing there, fists clenched beside him. "Martin made it clear to Jared that both of us would go down for this."
"Why didn't you come to me about this Jared?" Jeff asked, and finally his frustration was evident, his disappointment like a whip-crack in the room. "I would have hoped that you would have had the brains to realise that it was an empty threat, an idle one and that we could sort this out smoothly."
Jared bowed his head, feeling his shoulders cave under the weight of an Alpha's full, strong disapproval. He straightened his back as much as he could, but couldn't raise his head, and for a moment he hated Jeff enough that he couldn't breathe. Even the best of them did this, he thought, and Jensen was nowhere near the best. He gulped in a breath of air and the pressure let up. "I'm sorry Jared," Jeff said, and he sounded genuinely sorry. "None of this is your fault."
Jared's chin shot up. "Yes it is," he said grimly. He wasn't letting this happen. If it wasn't his fault, it was because he couldn't control what happened to him, didn't matter enough to make his own decisions, was just the canvas that other people projected events onto. "I should have come to you. I should have had faith in what you said about treating me equally, and not firing me for things outside of my control. I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for it all. Fire me if you want, make an example of me for the benefit of Mirrorlake, but don't try framing it as for my own good."
He realised both Jeff and Jensen were staring at him, and he looked between them with no let-up, and they both flicked their eyes away after a second, a small triumph but one that he was happy to have won.
Jeff spoke again. "I'm not firing you Jared. I've told you this before and I've hoped that you'd believe me. We'll have to split you and Jensen up of course, shift you off the same team. But first before anything, Mirrorlake. I'll sort that out. Jensen I'm disappointed that you didn't take the appropriate steps to back up your bonded. I'd have expected you to do it for a co-worker, let alone your mate. Now the pair of you listen. You'll work out the rest of this meeting. Then, you will go, register and take your two weeks. I'll shift your workload to other shoulders and I expect you to get yourselves sorted. In two weeks I’ll re-evaluate your contracts, and decide what's to be done with you professionally. Now, go and find Danneel and let her know. I'm not having anyone of my team at that negotiating table without all the facts."
It was a dismissal, and they both filed out quietly. Jared glanced at Jensen, saw exactly what he'd been expecting- the angry, frustrated look on his face. He felt a little bit like he'd just walked out of a principal’s office, but again he felt lighter though his heart was still in his mouth though at the thought of facing the Mirrorlake team later in the day. Mindful of Jeff's words he left so he could go find Danneel and let her know.
She was in her office, feet propped up on a chair, though she swung them off as soon as she saw him. "All ready?" she asked, looking as excited as she sounded, and a great deal smarter than either Jensen or Jared, not a hair out of place, sleek and professional, as though like a genuine adult she hadn't spent the night before this bid fucking and drinking.
"Uh Danneel," he said. "I've got something to tell you."
She raised her eyebrows expectantly, and listened with a slowly dawning expression of horror as he told her the full story. "Fuckers," she said at the end, and Jared was startled. He'd never heard her swear at work before. "The absolute fuckers. Why didn't you tell us Jared?" He had no more of an answer for her than he had had for Jeff. She sighed. "Thanks for telling me," she said. "It'll work out I'm sure of it."
As they ranged around the table, and waited for the Mirrorlake deputation to come in, Jared realised he was shaking a little bit. He clenched his hands underneath the table, and hoped like hell no-one else could see what was happening, then felt Danneel gently elbow him. It reassured him like little else could have strangely, and he felt himself calm.
The door opened and the three person delegation came into the room, laptops and briefcases at the ready, seating themselves. "If we're all ready," their manager said with an arch of her eyebrows, and they were getting down to the business, when Jeff tapped on the door and asked for a word. They were gone for some time, and Jared was aware of Martin's gloating eyes fixed on his face, as they waited. He tried not to look at him, or at Jensen's set grim face.
When Jaime Margells came back into the room, she looked flustered and harried. “Pass me the papers,” she ordered. “We’re signing at the amount agreed yesterday.” With a subdued hand, she signed the documents, and picked up her briefcase. “We’re leaving,” she said shortly to her understandably surprised team, and gave Martin a look that could’ve cut ice before she swept out, looking furious.
Jared could hardly believe it, and Jensen and Danneel looked similarly surprised around him. When it was clear that the deal was done, and done satisfactorily, Danneel let out a breath and stood. “I don’t know about you guys,” she said, “but I could do with a drink right now. Coffee will have to do though.” She disappeared through the door, and Jared and Jensen looked at each other, united for a second in bewilderment.
“What the hell did Jeff say?” Jensen asked, and Jared shook his head.
“I have no idea,” he said, “but I’m thankful.” At that moment, before their mutual relief could become awkward, Jeff walked back in, followed by Danneel balancing some coffee cups. They sat down, and Jeff looked at each one of them.
“I’m disappointed,” he said bluntly. “That shouldn’t have happened. Ms Margells was more than surprised that a member of her team should have attempted clumsy blackmail, and understandably furious. She agreed to no more haggling, as long as we didn’t make this public, and I assured her that you two,”- he looked at Jensen and Jared- “were in fact on your way to ratifying and Declaring, and more importantly that I had known that you hadn’t Declared. She was approving of your work ethic, if doubtful about your reasons.”
He let that sink in for a moment. Jeff had put himself on the line for them, made himself a party to their deception to protect them. Jeff shuffled the remaining papers on the table together and handed them to Danneel. “Jensen, Jared you are on your mandatory leave, starting from today. I’ll see you in two weeks and two days. Danneel, I’m shifting you to work with Adrienne and Mark for now, and you’ll take on full responsibility for the Poinset deal.” He drained his cup of coffee, and stood, before he addressed Jensen and Jared one last time. “Sort yourselves out,” he said. “I’d hoped you could put your ridiculous hostility to better use, don’t prove me wrong.”
When they were outside the building, Jensen turned to Jared. “You left your icecream in my freezer,” he said, and it was so unexpected that Jared was startled into a laugh.
“You can have it,” he said drily. Then because discretion might be the better part of valor, but he’d never put much trust in stock phrases, he took the step. “Are we going to do this?” he asked bluntly. The mandatory leave was supposed to be spent together, wrapped up in one another, forming a closeness that couldn’t be broken. They were already fucking it up by leaving it this long, but Jared could as soon imagine cuddling up to Jensen and running his hands through his over-gelled hair, as he imagine hugging a rattlesnake. He could imagine fucking him just fine, but his imagination stopped straight after that.
Jensen eyed him. “No,” he said. “I have things to do.” The drop in Jared’s stomach was abrupt and unexpected, and another example of how his body was messing with his mind. There was nothing he wanted less than enforced proximity to Jensen for two weeks, but his body was expressing its displeasure at the idea in a way that was increasingly hard to ignore. Jensen seemed to feel something of the same, because his face twitched as though in doubt, and as though he was having teeth pulled he elaborated. “An old friend died,” he said. “I’m flying back home to attend the funeral.”
All of a sudden a lot of things dropped into place. “That’s what I felt last night isn’t it?” he said, and felt suddenly, unexpectedly furious. He had trusted Jensen, just a little, just enough to tell him what was happening at work. He’d reached out by turning up to make sure he was all right, and Jensen hadn’t bothered to share anything in return, had let Jared think he was going crazy by having weird psychic flashes of Jensen being hurt. Like that, the tiny rapport they’d built over having a common enemy was gone, and he was done with it. Done with reaching out and making the first step. He felt his car keys in his pocket and smiled at Jensen, not caring how fake it was. “I’m sorry to hear about your friend,” he said. “Have as good a time as you can at home.” He turned and walked off, without bothering to wait for Jensen’s reply. He had an appointment to keep.
Waiting in Dr Watary’s out-room for her patients, he flicked through the out of date magazines with disinterest. He didn’t care that Omega actor Darren Watson had come out as O-sexual, and was in an O-on-O relationship with his female co-star Apple Morris. Fucking tabloids had nothing better to do than pry for the prurient details of other people’s lives. They looked happy, and that was what counted even if it’d probably break up in months like most other Hollywood relationships. Most of the other articles were re-hashed gossip columns and insipid interviews, and he was bored senseless by the time his name was finally called.
Dr Watary was a Beta, small and compact, competent to the nth degree, and Jared thanked his lucky stars once again that she was his doctor. He explained everything that had happened, to her, and she looked forward as she tapped a pen against the table, and turned to her computer, pulling up his file. “You’re a level seven aren’t you?” she said thoughtfully. “It’s noted on your file that you’re almost completely null, so I imagine your mate must be higher than average.”
Jared leant forward. “That’s the thing,” he said eagerly. “He isn’t, he’s a level seven as well. Has been since birth. He told me he was told that he was unlikely to form a bond, just like me.” Surprise flickered over his doctor’s face, and he continued. “Something odd has been happening as well. Last night I felt his emotions. He was distressed and I sensed it from several miles away. And it’s not just him, I read sensation from two other people, who weren’t broadcasting that strongly as far as I can tell. For some reason it’s like I’m more sensitive.”
She frowned. “That’s almost impossible,” she said. “Psychic development never continues later than twenty two or twenty three. The parts of your brain that control it have completely finished developing by then. The only time I’ve seen drastic changes have been after cases of severe brain damage, when the brain starts rerouting its neural pathways.” She swivelled closer to him on her chair and held out her hand for him to take. “This is hardly accurate,” she said, “but as a rough test it’ll help.”
He took her hand and concentrated. Nothing came through, she was as dead to his sensibilities as most things were. Eventually she dropped his hand, and frowned. “I’m hearing nothing,” she said honestly. “I know you’re a seven, but I read you as neutral. You’re pretty much a blank slate. Could it be proximity?”
“Yeah,” he said thoughtfully, “I guess it could be. Jensen’s been there on all the occasions it’s happened, bar the one time it was about him.”
“It’ll require research,” she said, “but I’ll look it up. Now for the rest of your check-up. Strip down and hop up on the table.” She handed him a paper gown, and rolled down more paper on the table. This was mandatory for his Declaration to be fully approved, both partners had to be in mental and physical health. He stripped and popped on the gown before sitting on the edge of the table, and letting her conduct a quick but thorough check up. While she was checking his reflexes, he remembered the other thing that he wanted to ask.
“I’ve been having a problem,” he said bluntly, “and I don’t know if it’s normal or not. When I’m close to Jensen, I get aroused very easily, and I can’t control my uh fluid production.”
She looked at him, “you mean you over-lube,” she said with a frown. “Is this just in the bedroom, or is it when you don’t expect it?”
The embarrassment was catching up with him now, and he felt his face flushing. “When I don’t expect it. I don’t even like him, but when we brush up too close all I want to do is fuck.” His blush intensified as the accidental obscenity slipped out, but she waved it aside impatiently, and waited for him to go on. “I’m not in heat,” he added in case that was the problem, “and I’ve never had any trouble before... with other partners. But this thing with Jensen is really messed up. One accidental slip and we’re bonded, then suddenly I’m having all sorts of weird things going on with my body.”
She let him get down from the table and redress without carrying out the rest of the checks. “The good thing is,” she said, “you’re right this isn’t natural. The bad news is that I’m not sure quite what’s going on. None of what you’re describing is normal, although I’d expect you to have a deeper bond with your mate than you had before, that shouldn’t spill over into your other interactions. In fact often it diminishes ability to sense emotions. Your excess lubrication problem, and the suspiciously easy bonding are odd as well.”
Jared steeled himself for the most difficult question of them all, then came out with it bluntly. “I want to put in for a sterilisation request. I’m willing to pay, and I’ll do whatever I have to. I’ve already talked about it with my partner. We’ve agreed that he gets a free-pass, and I don’t have to have children.”
There was silence for a moment, and then she said softly. “That’s a very big step Jared. Are you that sure that you and your partner can’t be reconciled?”
That gave him a pause for a moment, as he thought about Jensen. Good-looking, arrogant Jensen, with unexpected flashes of empathy, and a face that Jared could still quite happily punch, then he nodded. “He didn’t want this,” he said firmly. “I didn’t want it either, and both of us would be happier apart.”
“I wasn’t going to mention this,” the doctor said thoughtfully, “and I want you to be aware that I could lose my job over it if it got out so discretion is a must.” She paused, and Jared could barely wait for her to continue. When she finally did, her voice was even quieter. “There’s a little known procedure that’s gathering momentum in Europe. It can break a bond, or render forming one impossible. It’s illegal in most countries, but Switzerland allows it, and Germany currently has a bill passing that proposes legalising it. It was rejected in England last year, but they’re expected to force it through within the next couple of years.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Jared said, his mind spinning with the possibilities. “If I’d had it done, then I wouldn’t be in this position.”
“I’m sorry Jared, but if I’d told you about it, and it’d come out I’d have been jailed. Encouraging an unbonded Omega to sterilise himself or herself is an offence under the law that carries a maximum ten year sentence. Even telling this to you now that you’re bonded could have serious repercussions for us both, which is why discretion is essential. Besides the procedure has serious side-effects that are forever. Breaking a bond or the capacity to bond is traumatic in the extreme, and it renders you unable to ever form another one. It also renders you psychically dead, which might not affect you, but would most people, which in turn renders you almost incapable of carrying a child. Even low-rated people can sense the child next to their heart, and nurture them. This would prevent that. You can see why it’s not a first choice option.”
“Who can undertake it?” Jared asked.
“In Switzerland you mean? You have to submit a signed declaration that you are physically, mentally and emotionally incompatible to your bonded partner to an extent that affects your well-being in every area of your life. Two doctors must sign it. That’s if both partners agree. In rare cases of documented and charged abuse, the court can order it performed if the Omega is willing, but the Alpha isn’t.” She sighed. “It’s a far out option Jared, and I’m only mentioning it so you can have the full picture. Perhaps you should discuss it with your partner.” He was grateful for her use of neutral terminology, if they stuck with this it was going to be weird hearing people call Jensen his Alpha, and he couldn’t imagine himself being anybody’s Omega.
“Thank you,” he said, and meant every word. “I’ll discuss it with him, and come back for more information perhaps.”
“In the meantime,” she said, scrabbling in her desk for a new notepad. “I suggest you see an expert about your bond. Someone who can properly diagnose how it happened, and if it’s progressing as normal. If you want my advice, you’ll treat this like a normal bond, until you’ve decided what you want to do.” She wrote down a couple of names for him, and handed over the piece of paper. “Best of luck,” she said and her eyes were kind. He appreciated that she didn’t try any pointless platitudes about how things always got better.
He got back to his house, which seemed oddly empty for the first time ever, and made an appointment to see his lawyer sometime next week, though he put off calling the bond-therapist until he knew when Jensen could make it as well. He ate a solitary dinner, and hesitated over pouring himself a beer. It was a Friday night, he should be out getting slaughtered with friends, not alone worrying over his life. He came to a decision and picked up the phone, calling Bryan. Bryan ever ebullient, answered the phone with a loud shout of happiness. “Jared,” he shouted as though he was at the over end of a football pitch. “Come out with us you fucking stick in the mud. We haven’t seen your face in weeks.”
Jared felt himself smile, and found himself agreeing to catch up in a bar. Two hours later, he was well on his way to getting drunk. “I drank too much last night,” he found himself confiding in Bryan who laughed uproariously.
“Join the club,” he said, slinging an arm around Jared’s shoulders. “It’s good to see you again Jared man, I mean that. What have you been up to?”
Whether it was the shots of tequila he’d been knocking back since he arrived, or not Jared didn’t know, but he told them the truth. “Nothing much,” he said with a grin. “Got bonded.”
It was worth saying it out like that, to see the stunned look on Bryan’s face, and he started laughing helplessly. “Jesus man,” Bryan said, when he was able to speak again. “Seriously?” Jared nodded. “Congratulations,” Bryan said, shaking his head. “Seriously congratulations, but this is a bit out of the blue. When it’d happen?”
“Two days ago,” Jared said and tossed back a shot of what he thought was sambuca.
Bryan’s silence was a good deal less cheerful now. “Dude, shouldn’t you guys still be holed up somewhere and fucking?” Jared almost choked at that, but yeah it was a stereotype for a reason “I didn’t even know you’d found an alphafriend.”
“I didn’t,” Jared replied. “It was an accident.” He looked at the bar, rather than see the confusion and the beginning traces of pity in Bryan’s eyes. He did feel the warm clap on his back though, and hear Bryan call out to the bar at large.
“Jared’s gone and got fucking bonded. Drinks are on him.”
He didn’t know what time it was, when he first felt it, or how many drinks he’d had, but the same tingling feeling as the night before began to flood through him, and declining another drink he stumbled outside into the cold night to sober up a little bit. Even with his head clearing a little, the feeling remained, a tugging sensation at his heart as though he should be somewhere else. Fucking Jensen, he thought, too tired to articulate anything else. Fuck you, leave me alone. He sat on the freezing floor and flipped open his phone, looked at the number from last night, then closed it and slipped it back into his pocket. The unease remained, a constant reminder of Jensen, and he eventually cracked and called.
It took three tries to hit the correct number and he called Jess and Karl before he connected to Jensen. When it picked up after three rings, he found himself unsure what to say, and hit cancel. Fucking stupid idea in the first place. Only Jensen rang back. He let it buzz for a while before he answered, heard Jensen’s familiar sharp voice on the other end.
“Are you drunk Jared?” he asked, no hello, no how are you.
“A little,” he slurred in reply. “I can feel you, you know. Are you upset again?” Even drunk, he could’ve kicked himself for saying that. Jensen had flown back home because a friend had died. Of course he was upset.
Jensen’s voice was uncharacteristically subdued though. “Yeah,” he said. “Sorry, I’ll try and damp it down.” The cell clicked, and the dial tone began to buzz in his ear, leaving Jared a great deal soberer and feeling like a dick that all he could focus on, was that this was the first time Jensen had ever apologised.
Chapter Five found here
Fandom: Supernatural RPF
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Chapter: 4/6
Chapter Length: 5189 words
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Warnings/kinks: hate-sex, A/B/O, dub-con, masturbation, fantasy, drunk-sex
Summary: Sequel to Intolerable Cruelty. Bonded to someone he loathes, Jared has to navigate a path he never expected to follow, and to fight against something he has no choice in.
When Jared woke, it was to the insistent beeping of his cell on the floor beside him. He fumbled over and poked at the buttons until it shut up, and only then took note of his surroundings. He was curled up beside Jensen, on the floor beside the sofa. Apparently they'd been too drunk and too tired to make it to the bed, and as the events of last night came back in greater details, he groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. Shit, shit, shit had he really been that stupid? All evidence pointed to yes, when he looked at the comatose form of Jensen beside him.
He rolled over and picked himself up, feeling sticky, dirty and grubby. Now he remembered why when he had sex it was within the cool clean confines of his apartment with ready access to a shower. It was disgusting waking up like this, and he debated whether he should drive home like this, or have a quick shower. At the thought of putting his dirty clothes on a clean body though, he decided he'd rather get home as quickly as possible. He dressed as fast as possible, telling himself he wasn't going to think about last night until he got out of the house. When he was fully dressed, he picked up his cell and his shoes from where they'd been tossed near the door, Jesus what the fuck had he been thinking last night?
Jensen's face in sleep was almost peaceful, and Jared hesitated only for a moment before shaking him awake roughly. If he left him to sleep, then he'd probably sleep right through the day and miss the meeting. Jensen came awake with a sputtered cough, and peered at Jared sleepily, before slumping back with a muttered 'fuck' that perfectly echoed Jared's feelings.
"Wake up man," he said, shaking Jensen once again for good measure. "We have definitely got to get moving."
He padded into the kitchen, and after downing a pint of water felt substantially better. His mouth still tasted like a zoo had had a party in it, but he didn't have a headache, and his tiredness was dissipating slowly. A rummage through the cupboards provided him with multi-vitamin tablets and he dissolved one and tossed it back. When he felt like he was approaching human once more, he picked up his jacket and headed out the door. Coffee could wait until he was at home, much like his shower.
An hour later, he was showered, shaved, breakfasted and looking through the papers for the bid one last time. He didn't think he'd missed anything but you really never knew until the moment. He remembered once again the whole business with Martin, remembered drunkenly telling Jensen, and sunk his head into his hands. What had possessed him to do that? The beer, the company? He didn't know but it was another tick in the box of 'don't drink with people you don't trust.'
At least Jensen had reacted atypically, far more furious at Martin than at Jared, that was something in the plus book. It wasn't enough to make him trust Jensen in the least, but he did believe that Jensen hadn't been faking the outrage. Probably pissed the control-freak off, that someone else was making Jared's life a misery for once. He smiled a little at the thought as he folded the physical papers into his briefcase one more time and squared his shoulders. It was still only seven, and usually he wouldn't head into work until eight, but this morning it was important he felt to turn up early. After all if all this went wrong, then he wanted to be able to look at Jeff and tell him honestly that he'd tried his hardest, and that if he'd failed he was sorry.
As he drove there, he reviewed his options one last time. As he had expected, they seemed even thinner in the morning. Fucking up the only job that had treated him like an equal, screwing them over for his own sake, with no promise that this would be the only time, that Mirrorlake wouldn't hold his actions over his head forever. Or standing tall, and letting himself be decimated by Martin revealing his offense- one that he could be fired for on the spot if Jeff wanted, and which was open to prosecution if the state decided. He knew it wouldn't go as far as the courts, that was only for extreme circumstances of deception between illegal bondeds (incest bondings mainly) but the threat was there, enough that he would certainly be let go. It wasn't really a choice even so. Jared had worked so hard to get where he was, he wasn't going to stay through lies and deception.
When he got into the building, he was almost light-hearted. He'd made his decision, and he always felt better after that, as though a load had been lifted off. Instead of avoiding his reflection in the lift, he stared at himself as though through new eyes. He didn't look any different to two days ago, he thought. There was nothing on the outside to indicate any change, and he felt peculiarly light-hearted. He wasn't any different, not the real him. The loss he'd always feared from bonding with anyone other than Gen hadn't happened. He leaned his head back, for a moment almost happy.
That disappeared the instant the lift opened though and he saw Jeff, early as always at the coffee machine. His secretary was supposed to get him coffee, but Jeff liked wandering into the offices, bumping into people on the way. When he saw Jared, he waved him over, and poured him another cup of coffee. Jared accepted the fortification gratefully, and held it clutched in cold hands, as he spoke. "I need to speak with you Mr Morgan." Jeff raised his eyebrows at the unusual formality but gestured Jared before him into his office.
Jared took a sip of coffee, then put the cup down on the desk and clenched his hands tightly together on his knees. "We have a problem," he said, and the words stuck in his throat. He was doing this. He was throwing away his life, not even trying to dig himself out. "Mirrorlake is blackmailing me into manipulating the figures in their favour. They expect to raise the percentage from five to seven today because of me."
There was silence for a long moment, and Jeff barely moved as he stared at Jared. "I see," he said. "When you say blackmailed, how?"
This was the hardest part, and Jared swallowed audibly. "I accidentally bonded the day before yesterday," he said dully. "It was to say the least unexpected, and both of us panicked. Martin from Mirrorlake spotted it, and also spotted that we hadn't Declared. He threatened me with exposure, and the company with unpleasant publicity. He also implied strongly that his company would use the circumstances to withdraw entirely from the bid." Put like that it seemed little enough, he supposed. There wasn't anybody whose life it would thoroughly fuck up beside Jared's.
"You said we," Jeff observed, his expression still blank and neutral.
A voice interrupted him. "Yes. I'm Jared's bonded." Jensen had let himself into the room, and was standing there, fists clenched beside him. "Martin made it clear to Jared that both of us would go down for this."
"Why didn't you come to me about this Jared?" Jeff asked, and finally his frustration was evident, his disappointment like a whip-crack in the room. "I would have hoped that you would have had the brains to realise that it was an empty threat, an idle one and that we could sort this out smoothly."
Jared bowed his head, feeling his shoulders cave under the weight of an Alpha's full, strong disapproval. He straightened his back as much as he could, but couldn't raise his head, and for a moment he hated Jeff enough that he couldn't breathe. Even the best of them did this, he thought, and Jensen was nowhere near the best. He gulped in a breath of air and the pressure let up. "I'm sorry Jared," Jeff said, and he sounded genuinely sorry. "None of this is your fault."
Jared's chin shot up. "Yes it is," he said grimly. He wasn't letting this happen. If it wasn't his fault, it was because he couldn't control what happened to him, didn't matter enough to make his own decisions, was just the canvas that other people projected events onto. "I should have come to you. I should have had faith in what you said about treating me equally, and not firing me for things outside of my control. I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for it all. Fire me if you want, make an example of me for the benefit of Mirrorlake, but don't try framing it as for my own good."
He realised both Jeff and Jensen were staring at him, and he looked between them with no let-up, and they both flicked their eyes away after a second, a small triumph but one that he was happy to have won.
Jeff spoke again. "I'm not firing you Jared. I've told you this before and I've hoped that you'd believe me. We'll have to split you and Jensen up of course, shift you off the same team. But first before anything, Mirrorlake. I'll sort that out. Jensen I'm disappointed that you didn't take the appropriate steps to back up your bonded. I'd have expected you to do it for a co-worker, let alone your mate. Now the pair of you listen. You'll work out the rest of this meeting. Then, you will go, register and take your two weeks. I'll shift your workload to other shoulders and I expect you to get yourselves sorted. In two weeks I’ll re-evaluate your contracts, and decide what's to be done with you professionally. Now, go and find Danneel and let her know. I'm not having anyone of my team at that negotiating table without all the facts."
It was a dismissal, and they both filed out quietly. Jared glanced at Jensen, saw exactly what he'd been expecting- the angry, frustrated look on his face. He felt a little bit like he'd just walked out of a principal’s office, but again he felt lighter though his heart was still in his mouth though at the thought of facing the Mirrorlake team later in the day. Mindful of Jeff's words he left so he could go find Danneel and let her know.
She was in her office, feet propped up on a chair, though she swung them off as soon as she saw him. "All ready?" she asked, looking as excited as she sounded, and a great deal smarter than either Jensen or Jared, not a hair out of place, sleek and professional, as though like a genuine adult she hadn't spent the night before this bid fucking and drinking.
"Uh Danneel," he said. "I've got something to tell you."
She raised her eyebrows expectantly, and listened with a slowly dawning expression of horror as he told her the full story. "Fuckers," she said at the end, and Jared was startled. He'd never heard her swear at work before. "The absolute fuckers. Why didn't you tell us Jared?" He had no more of an answer for her than he had had for Jeff. She sighed. "Thanks for telling me," she said. "It'll work out I'm sure of it."
As they ranged around the table, and waited for the Mirrorlake deputation to come in, Jared realised he was shaking a little bit. He clenched his hands underneath the table, and hoped like hell no-one else could see what was happening, then felt Danneel gently elbow him. It reassured him like little else could have strangely, and he felt himself calm.
The door opened and the three person delegation came into the room, laptops and briefcases at the ready, seating themselves. "If we're all ready," their manager said with an arch of her eyebrows, and they were getting down to the business, when Jeff tapped on the door and asked for a word. They were gone for some time, and Jared was aware of Martin's gloating eyes fixed on his face, as they waited. He tried not to look at him, or at Jensen's set grim face.
When Jaime Margells came back into the room, she looked flustered and harried. “Pass me the papers,” she ordered. “We’re signing at the amount agreed yesterday.” With a subdued hand, she signed the documents, and picked up her briefcase. “We’re leaving,” she said shortly to her understandably surprised team, and gave Martin a look that could’ve cut ice before she swept out, looking furious.
Jared could hardly believe it, and Jensen and Danneel looked similarly surprised around him. When it was clear that the deal was done, and done satisfactorily, Danneel let out a breath and stood. “I don’t know about you guys,” she said, “but I could do with a drink right now. Coffee will have to do though.” She disappeared through the door, and Jared and Jensen looked at each other, united for a second in bewilderment.
“What the hell did Jeff say?” Jensen asked, and Jared shook his head.
“I have no idea,” he said, “but I’m thankful.” At that moment, before their mutual relief could become awkward, Jeff walked back in, followed by Danneel balancing some coffee cups. They sat down, and Jeff looked at each one of them.
“I’m disappointed,” he said bluntly. “That shouldn’t have happened. Ms Margells was more than surprised that a member of her team should have attempted clumsy blackmail, and understandably furious. She agreed to no more haggling, as long as we didn’t make this public, and I assured her that you two,”- he looked at Jensen and Jared- “were in fact on your way to ratifying and Declaring, and more importantly that I had known that you hadn’t Declared. She was approving of your work ethic, if doubtful about your reasons.”
He let that sink in for a moment. Jeff had put himself on the line for them, made himself a party to their deception to protect them. Jeff shuffled the remaining papers on the table together and handed them to Danneel. “Jensen, Jared you are on your mandatory leave, starting from today. I’ll see you in two weeks and two days. Danneel, I’m shifting you to work with Adrienne and Mark for now, and you’ll take on full responsibility for the Poinset deal.” He drained his cup of coffee, and stood, before he addressed Jensen and Jared one last time. “Sort yourselves out,” he said. “I’d hoped you could put your ridiculous hostility to better use, don’t prove me wrong.”
When they were outside the building, Jensen turned to Jared. “You left your icecream in my freezer,” he said, and it was so unexpected that Jared was startled into a laugh.
“You can have it,” he said drily. Then because discretion might be the better part of valor, but he’d never put much trust in stock phrases, he took the step. “Are we going to do this?” he asked bluntly. The mandatory leave was supposed to be spent together, wrapped up in one another, forming a closeness that couldn’t be broken. They were already fucking it up by leaving it this long, but Jared could as soon imagine cuddling up to Jensen and running his hands through his over-gelled hair, as he imagine hugging a rattlesnake. He could imagine fucking him just fine, but his imagination stopped straight after that.
Jensen eyed him. “No,” he said. “I have things to do.” The drop in Jared’s stomach was abrupt and unexpected, and another example of how his body was messing with his mind. There was nothing he wanted less than enforced proximity to Jensen for two weeks, but his body was expressing its displeasure at the idea in a way that was increasingly hard to ignore. Jensen seemed to feel something of the same, because his face twitched as though in doubt, and as though he was having teeth pulled he elaborated. “An old friend died,” he said. “I’m flying back home to attend the funeral.”
All of a sudden a lot of things dropped into place. “That’s what I felt last night isn’t it?” he said, and felt suddenly, unexpectedly furious. He had trusted Jensen, just a little, just enough to tell him what was happening at work. He’d reached out by turning up to make sure he was all right, and Jensen hadn’t bothered to share anything in return, had let Jared think he was going crazy by having weird psychic flashes of Jensen being hurt. Like that, the tiny rapport they’d built over having a common enemy was gone, and he was done with it. Done with reaching out and making the first step. He felt his car keys in his pocket and smiled at Jensen, not caring how fake it was. “I’m sorry to hear about your friend,” he said. “Have as good a time as you can at home.” He turned and walked off, without bothering to wait for Jensen’s reply. He had an appointment to keep.
Waiting in Dr Watary’s out-room for her patients, he flicked through the out of date magazines with disinterest. He didn’t care that Omega actor Darren Watson had come out as O-sexual, and was in an O-on-O relationship with his female co-star Apple Morris. Fucking tabloids had nothing better to do than pry for the prurient details of other people’s lives. They looked happy, and that was what counted even if it’d probably break up in months like most other Hollywood relationships. Most of the other articles were re-hashed gossip columns and insipid interviews, and he was bored senseless by the time his name was finally called.
Dr Watary was a Beta, small and compact, competent to the nth degree, and Jared thanked his lucky stars once again that she was his doctor. He explained everything that had happened, to her, and she looked forward as she tapped a pen against the table, and turned to her computer, pulling up his file. “You’re a level seven aren’t you?” she said thoughtfully. “It’s noted on your file that you’re almost completely null, so I imagine your mate must be higher than average.”
Jared leant forward. “That’s the thing,” he said eagerly. “He isn’t, he’s a level seven as well. Has been since birth. He told me he was told that he was unlikely to form a bond, just like me.” Surprise flickered over his doctor’s face, and he continued. “Something odd has been happening as well. Last night I felt his emotions. He was distressed and I sensed it from several miles away. And it’s not just him, I read sensation from two other people, who weren’t broadcasting that strongly as far as I can tell. For some reason it’s like I’m more sensitive.”
She frowned. “That’s almost impossible,” she said. “Psychic development never continues later than twenty two or twenty three. The parts of your brain that control it have completely finished developing by then. The only time I’ve seen drastic changes have been after cases of severe brain damage, when the brain starts rerouting its neural pathways.” She swivelled closer to him on her chair and held out her hand for him to take. “This is hardly accurate,” she said, “but as a rough test it’ll help.”
He took her hand and concentrated. Nothing came through, she was as dead to his sensibilities as most things were. Eventually she dropped his hand, and frowned. “I’m hearing nothing,” she said honestly. “I know you’re a seven, but I read you as neutral. You’re pretty much a blank slate. Could it be proximity?”
“Yeah,” he said thoughtfully, “I guess it could be. Jensen’s been there on all the occasions it’s happened, bar the one time it was about him.”
“It’ll require research,” she said, “but I’ll look it up. Now for the rest of your check-up. Strip down and hop up on the table.” She handed him a paper gown, and rolled down more paper on the table. This was mandatory for his Declaration to be fully approved, both partners had to be in mental and physical health. He stripped and popped on the gown before sitting on the edge of the table, and letting her conduct a quick but thorough check up. While she was checking his reflexes, he remembered the other thing that he wanted to ask.
“I’ve been having a problem,” he said bluntly, “and I don’t know if it’s normal or not. When I’m close to Jensen, I get aroused very easily, and I can’t control my uh fluid production.”
She looked at him, “you mean you over-lube,” she said with a frown. “Is this just in the bedroom, or is it when you don’t expect it?”
The embarrassment was catching up with him now, and he felt his face flushing. “When I don’t expect it. I don’t even like him, but when we brush up too close all I want to do is fuck.” His blush intensified as the accidental obscenity slipped out, but she waved it aside impatiently, and waited for him to go on. “I’m not in heat,” he added in case that was the problem, “and I’ve never had any trouble before... with other partners. But this thing with Jensen is really messed up. One accidental slip and we’re bonded, then suddenly I’m having all sorts of weird things going on with my body.”
She let him get down from the table and redress without carrying out the rest of the checks. “The good thing is,” she said, “you’re right this isn’t natural. The bad news is that I’m not sure quite what’s going on. None of what you’re describing is normal, although I’d expect you to have a deeper bond with your mate than you had before, that shouldn’t spill over into your other interactions. In fact often it diminishes ability to sense emotions. Your excess lubrication problem, and the suspiciously easy bonding are odd as well.”
Jared steeled himself for the most difficult question of them all, then came out with it bluntly. “I want to put in for a sterilisation request. I’m willing to pay, and I’ll do whatever I have to. I’ve already talked about it with my partner. We’ve agreed that he gets a free-pass, and I don’t have to have children.”
There was silence for a moment, and then she said softly. “That’s a very big step Jared. Are you that sure that you and your partner can’t be reconciled?”
That gave him a pause for a moment, as he thought about Jensen. Good-looking, arrogant Jensen, with unexpected flashes of empathy, and a face that Jared could still quite happily punch, then he nodded. “He didn’t want this,” he said firmly. “I didn’t want it either, and both of us would be happier apart.”
“I wasn’t going to mention this,” the doctor said thoughtfully, “and I want you to be aware that I could lose my job over it if it got out so discretion is a must.” She paused, and Jared could barely wait for her to continue. When she finally did, her voice was even quieter. “There’s a little known procedure that’s gathering momentum in Europe. It can break a bond, or render forming one impossible. It’s illegal in most countries, but Switzerland allows it, and Germany currently has a bill passing that proposes legalising it. It was rejected in England last year, but they’re expected to force it through within the next couple of years.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Jared said, his mind spinning with the possibilities. “If I’d had it done, then I wouldn’t be in this position.”
“I’m sorry Jared, but if I’d told you about it, and it’d come out I’d have been jailed. Encouraging an unbonded Omega to sterilise himself or herself is an offence under the law that carries a maximum ten year sentence. Even telling this to you now that you’re bonded could have serious repercussions for us both, which is why discretion is essential. Besides the procedure has serious side-effects that are forever. Breaking a bond or the capacity to bond is traumatic in the extreme, and it renders you unable to ever form another one. It also renders you psychically dead, which might not affect you, but would most people, which in turn renders you almost incapable of carrying a child. Even low-rated people can sense the child next to their heart, and nurture them. This would prevent that. You can see why it’s not a first choice option.”
“Who can undertake it?” Jared asked.
“In Switzerland you mean? You have to submit a signed declaration that you are physically, mentally and emotionally incompatible to your bonded partner to an extent that affects your well-being in every area of your life. Two doctors must sign it. That’s if both partners agree. In rare cases of documented and charged abuse, the court can order it performed if the Omega is willing, but the Alpha isn’t.” She sighed. “It’s a far out option Jared, and I’m only mentioning it so you can have the full picture. Perhaps you should discuss it with your partner.” He was grateful for her use of neutral terminology, if they stuck with this it was going to be weird hearing people call Jensen his Alpha, and he couldn’t imagine himself being anybody’s Omega.
“Thank you,” he said, and meant every word. “I’ll discuss it with him, and come back for more information perhaps.”
“In the meantime,” she said, scrabbling in her desk for a new notepad. “I suggest you see an expert about your bond. Someone who can properly diagnose how it happened, and if it’s progressing as normal. If you want my advice, you’ll treat this like a normal bond, until you’ve decided what you want to do.” She wrote down a couple of names for him, and handed over the piece of paper. “Best of luck,” she said and her eyes were kind. He appreciated that she didn’t try any pointless platitudes about how things always got better.
He got back to his house, which seemed oddly empty for the first time ever, and made an appointment to see his lawyer sometime next week, though he put off calling the bond-therapist until he knew when Jensen could make it as well. He ate a solitary dinner, and hesitated over pouring himself a beer. It was a Friday night, he should be out getting slaughtered with friends, not alone worrying over his life. He came to a decision and picked up the phone, calling Bryan. Bryan ever ebullient, answered the phone with a loud shout of happiness. “Jared,” he shouted as though he was at the over end of a football pitch. “Come out with us you fucking stick in the mud. We haven’t seen your face in weeks.”
Jared felt himself smile, and found himself agreeing to catch up in a bar. Two hours later, he was well on his way to getting drunk. “I drank too much last night,” he found himself confiding in Bryan who laughed uproariously.
“Join the club,” he said, slinging an arm around Jared’s shoulders. “It’s good to see you again Jared man, I mean that. What have you been up to?”
Whether it was the shots of tequila he’d been knocking back since he arrived, or not Jared didn’t know, but he told them the truth. “Nothing much,” he said with a grin. “Got bonded.”
It was worth saying it out like that, to see the stunned look on Bryan’s face, and he started laughing helplessly. “Jesus man,” Bryan said, when he was able to speak again. “Seriously?” Jared nodded. “Congratulations,” Bryan said, shaking his head. “Seriously congratulations, but this is a bit out of the blue. When it’d happen?”
“Two days ago,” Jared said and tossed back a shot of what he thought was sambuca.
Bryan’s silence was a good deal less cheerful now. “Dude, shouldn’t you guys still be holed up somewhere and fucking?” Jared almost choked at that, but yeah it was a stereotype for a reason “I didn’t even know you’d found an alphafriend.”
“I didn’t,” Jared replied. “It was an accident.” He looked at the bar, rather than see the confusion and the beginning traces of pity in Bryan’s eyes. He did feel the warm clap on his back though, and hear Bryan call out to the bar at large.
“Jared’s gone and got fucking bonded. Drinks are on him.”
He didn’t know what time it was, when he first felt it, or how many drinks he’d had, but the same tingling feeling as the night before began to flood through him, and declining another drink he stumbled outside into the cold night to sober up a little bit. Even with his head clearing a little, the feeling remained, a tugging sensation at his heart as though he should be somewhere else. Fucking Jensen, he thought, too tired to articulate anything else. Fuck you, leave me alone. He sat on the freezing floor and flipped open his phone, looked at the number from last night, then closed it and slipped it back into his pocket. The unease remained, a constant reminder of Jensen, and he eventually cracked and called.
It took three tries to hit the correct number and he called Jess and Karl before he connected to Jensen. When it picked up after three rings, he found himself unsure what to say, and hit cancel. Fucking stupid idea in the first place. Only Jensen rang back. He let it buzz for a while before he answered, heard Jensen’s familiar sharp voice on the other end.
“Are you drunk Jared?” he asked, no hello, no how are you.
“A little,” he slurred in reply. “I can feel you, you know. Are you upset again?” Even drunk, he could’ve kicked himself for saying that. Jensen had flown back home because a friend had died. Of course he was upset.
Jensen’s voice was uncharacteristically subdued though. “Yeah,” he said. “Sorry, I’ll try and damp it down.” The cell clicked, and the dial tone began to buzz in his ear, leaving Jared a great deal soberer and feeling like a dick that all he could focus on, was that this was the first time Jensen had ever apologised.
Chapter Five found here
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Date: 2012-12-27 11:23 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2012-12-29 11:06 am (UTC)For the first time in this heartbreaking story i have hope!
Can't wait for the last part <3
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Date: 2012-12-29 09:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-29 04:06 pm (UTC)Really enjoying this, and I like the fast pace.
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Date: 2012-12-29 10:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-30 01:25 am (UTC)How did I miss two chapters????
These were great! I can't wait to see how you end this.
You've got so many interest concepts wrapped into this. I'm really enjoying it!
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Date: 2013-01-02 01:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-06 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-08 11:52 am (UTC)