Snowflake Challenge: Days 7, 8 and 9 (and bonus fic)

[stripytights]

Day 7

In your own space, create a fanwork. A drabble, a ficlet, a podfic, or an icon, art or meta or a rec list. A picspam. Something.

She heard it the first time when she first felt the rack, the perfect choice for every carefully conducted breaking ever, from Azazel to Dean Winchester, though she doesn't know that until later. At the time all she knew was pain, and the wet ghastly breaths that spill from a mouth that isn't a mouth anymore. She heard the whispers though, the sung speech that the thing working on her spilt out as though it must talk, and oh, it told her, you're going to be the fairest, you're going to be so good. Her mind was almost as ruined as her body by that point, tattered and shredded, holding together only through will, to a name, to a conception of self that was being stripped from her so lovingly that she didn't even know what she lost.

She doesn't remember what comes next, doesn't remember what her screams sounded like, but she remembers it talking, telling her, hasten myn lykyng, speed, and break and wait for how good it’ll be. Soft, it told her, oh the first time she'll get a body, how it'll feel, and it chipped deeper than the hand buried between her bones grasping a pounding, wretched heart. It's all she could think about for the next ten years, an extra layer of skin and flesh between her and the pain. Pictured crawling inside someone else and hiding, nerves stripped raw and hurt, and the thought allayed the pain, the idea of a shield. There was a way out. It could read her thoughts as it worked on her slowly and lovingly. Yes, yes dēorling, it said, and if she cried it was from relief.

When it started in on her skin all over again, blunt as a hammer, it told her a little bit more, because and oh how it said it, she was going to be sweet and ready when she's done, its little soldier, and she’s close now. So it told her that there’s a story that there’s a true body for every fiend, just waiting to be taken. She’ll know it when she finds it because it’ll feel like her own. She cradled that thought and held it near, and when all is said and done and she earned her black eyes, and Lilith herself had raised her high, she thought that hummed in her bones was what she would find on earth.

It wasn’t quite like that of course. A world full of humans, finding the one that would fit like a glove was easier said than done. The first time she swallowed the screams and stifled the wails, and slid right on in to her first body, it felt so good that nothing else mattered, and it didn’t feel like it could be any better. She traced every inch of it with fascination, the hidden secret wonders of the shell exposed to her fire, as livid and raw as her soul had been in hell. But the soul inside withers and fades if not at the first shock of intrusion then driven insane after time. Although she only needed the body, only needed the flesh and bone and muscle of a form, without the soul to jostle it’s no fun at all in the depths of the head all alone and it doesn’t feel right. They weren’t hers, not fully. She dreamed of it in the long dark moments of quiet, of being close and corrupt with soul and body all hers, never to wear or fade or fall apart.

When the Lord came back to his own, when he reclaimed the fallen and filthy earth for himself, that would be her reward, she was certain. A body of her own. One that fit.

- myn lykyng - middle english - the one that I delight in/gives me pleasure

- dēorling - an old english word but still just in usage as variations of darling.

I was pretty careful when writing this for the bit where Ruby is in hell to only use words that existed in a recognisably similar form in Middle English. Inevitably I'm sure I haven't succeeded and please feel free to point out the words that don't fit (conception is kind of a borderline case).

Day 8

In your own space, create a love meme for yourself. Let people tell you how amazing and awesome and loveable you really are.

I think I'm gonna skip this one. Maybe during summer when I'm livelier. I find it an emotionally draining exercise to put myself out there.

Day 9

In your own space, rec at least 3 fanworks you thought you wouldn't like (because they weren't your fandom or they pushed against your boundaries or you thought you just wouldn't be interested) but you ended up loving.

All three of these contain tropes that I don't enjoy at all, one of them (amnesia) to the point of actual squick. All of them, while not necessarily making me enjoy the tropes in general, deal with them so well that they're amazing fics.

Blue Skies From Rain - Lovesrain44 (Sam/Dean) After fighting a djinn, Dean and Sam end up in a mental asylum with no memories of who they are or what they are to each other.

Amnesia terrifies me especially paired with a romantic relationship. This story handled the amnesia, the results and the ensuing confrontation with an incredibly delicate and intensely readable touch.

Impulse - AlchemyAlice (Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes, The Avengers/Captain America). When Bucky emerges into the future he forges an unlikely friendship with Tony Stark.

I don't read in the Avengers fandom in general, and I don't really like Tony Stark in the MCU (or possibly more accurately I don't like RDJ's Tony Stark). This though, was really good and it completely convinced me. Now I ship them in an impossible way. Damn.

Don't You Shake Alone - Dira Sudis (Nate/Brad, Generation Kill)  Nate has a baby and a severe case of PTSD. Brad lends a hand

Kid/baby-fic isn't generally something I 'do' (though with less of an intense 'no thanks' than the other two), but Generation Kill + Dira Sudis made me read anyway, and I loved it. PTSD, hurt/comfort, a gentle careful build to the relationship and very strong on Brad in particular I felt.

Room and Board - Maygra (Sam/Dean)  Dean finds out that Sam prostituted himself first at Stanford and then to raise money for Dean's bail.

I don't generally enjoy fics that position characters as sex-workers for a number of reasons. This one worked for me because apart from really nailing the character interactions, the details and the emotions, they also handled Sam's take on it really well - he doesn't allow himself to be ashamed by the things he has chosen to do or the reasons why.